Notes on being human

Phew we made it through a long, dull January and while February has started with as much dullness and drizzle, I have seen the first daffodils, seen the snowdrops and see the tulip sprouts.

So we move forward towards Spring.

There is undoubtedly a lot going on in your life, managing work, retirement, chores, kids, grandkids, parents, home improvements, pain, injury, death and disease.

One thing is certain, that nothing is certain.

In the midst of the busyness it can be hard to stop, to check in with yourself, to register and regulate. The train keeps chugging whether we like it or not, whether we are in the first class carriage or being dragged along behind it!

Welcome to the life of a human!

There are a few things that make life a little easier to manage and I thought I would share my thoughts with you today.

Community

When we feel stressed out and frazzled often the last thing we want to do is go out. The mind contracts and encourages us to sit in our misery, to dwell and check out (think incessant scrolling and Netflix binging).

Actually the best thing for you is to go out and be with other people. Whether sitting quietly in a cafe with an indulgent latte, walking around your favourite park or joining a group class. Being in community with other people is the way out of isolation, fatigue and despair!

I get it, you are already surrounded by people a lot. But are they the right ones? I love my family and being with them is a blessing but I also love to be with a group of grown women who know the struggles and feel the troubles. Finding the right community groups that have similar values and interests is very important. It’s a place to vent, laugh and feel belonging.

It might be a charity group, a history group, an exercise class, a choir, an advocacy group. I encourage you to find your people and serve your community.

Moments of stillness

OMG this is my lifeline. My day starts early and full on. With 2 neurodiverse kiddos the mornings are an energetic mix of highs and lows, it’s a full on marathon to get up, dressed, fed and out the door. By 9 o clock I could actually go back to bed to recover from the previous 3ish hours!

How do I survive this? Moments of stillness. I try to wake before everyone to set my intentions of how I want the day to go (be cool, calm and collected of course!). I connect with my breathing, my body, I settle my mind. This way I go into the day grounded and am less likely to be thrown off by a curveball. If you are a busy person you will most likely spend your day with outward attention. Busy doing, fixing and responding to the incessant thoughts in your mind. Power comes from also allowing yourself to be still, to recognise that you can control the thoughts you have, at any moment you can be present and find joy. Because when we live from thought to thought we are not being in the present moment and there is no peace because the mind never stops. I battle this by also taking mini breaks throughout the day to pause and breathe. Conscious slow walks, intentionally not thinking. And allowing stillness to be a comfortable place.

(In fact the moment I notice agitation when I am still is my signal to increase my stillness because I am out of balance)

Moving the body

Another way I bring myself into presence is by moving. Movement is not only physically healing by increasing joint mobility, muscle strength, flexibility and all the great stuff we know. Movement calms the mind and helps us live in our body and not our mind. Learning to understand our body comes from listening to it, you won’t know what your body needs if you never tune in and if you let your mind lead.

So I encourage you to move and feel your body. Do it in different ways, slow and controlled and loose and free. Dance around the kitchen to your favourite song (I’m loving Olivia Dean at the moment). Go for a jog, a walk, pick up your resistance band.

If your energy is low go for a walk, if it’s high do something more dynamic. Start to use movement to support your mood. If you are in pain do it seated or laying down, adapt, evolve and grow.

Acceptance

Now I’m moving more into mindfulness strategies. Radical acceptance is a super powerful tool. Sometimes things are bad, sometimes things are not going to change and sometimes you just have to fully accept where you are and what is happening. Whether it’s health, personal circumstances, pain, managing parents or kids or money, the news or the weather. We cannot have things the way we want  the time. And that sucks.

This is acceptance.

It’s a fact that we try to fix, to solve everything. There are courses and speakers who spend their lives motivating us to think positively, no excuses. Get over it, on with it, be happy. And while there is a place for that, there is also a place for just letting it suck for a moment. For being present for the difficulty, grieving the loss, allowing the pain. When we fully accept and allow it the next step is not fixing or papering over it with a smile. The next step is self compassion and kindness.

This sucks, it’s okay for it to suck, how can I take care of myself in this moment.

Then you might find that incorporating community, stillness and movement are ways you can support yourself.

We can’t control the world around us but we can control how we respond to it.

Which leads me to the final one…

Impermanence

Everything changes, all the time.

Whether that is happiness or sadness, good times or bad. Nothing stays.

Things are constantly in flux - this is a scientific fact. From a molecular level to a universal one. Things are constantly changing, evolving and moving.

You might notice a desire for things to stay the same. Hold onto your glossy hair, not want your paint to fade. You might notice a resistance to finding a new favourite restaurant or irritation when your club changes meeting times. That’s because change requires energy, it requires us to adapt and that might not feel safe, comfortable and easy. And who doesn’t want a safe, comfortable, easy existence?

Notice your reaction to impermanence. Then recognise what supports you through the ever changing world. It might be community, stillness, movement, acceptance!!

I’m seeing a theme here!

I have also droned on for far longer that I planned to so if you made it this far well done 👏.

And thank you 🙏.

I hope it has been of benefit, please email me if anything helped or give me thumbs up 👍 so I know my emails get received, read and make any impact 😂!

Thank you and be well.

Mercede